Being Laughed At …Meanly

I think “most people” take being able to communicate with those around them for granted from my observations over the decades of my life. My brain has NEVER worked like “most other people” from what I can piece together now in my late 60’s.

As a child with fireworks of colors exploding inside my head unexpectedly ..

Lucky me: “Synesthesia is not a phenomenon that manifests itself in one way.

Being laughed at .. meanly .. was the way my life unfolded ..
  • first at home by my Great Aunt Nancy & my biological mother
  • then also at grade school thru high school
  • then also the work world
  • then in me playing Neverwinter as an elderly confused stroke victim trying to recover physically & mentally

Laughing at me .. meanly .. has ALWAYS been the cruelest most vicious thing that people have done to teach me how valueless I was to them all. And I have ALWAYS stood back up after they knocked me down to the floor and stomped on me.

Because my emotions were never tied to words .. and I did not know that until very recently .. I had never .. until now .. comprehended those feelings into words I could express to myself let alone to others.

The words – I love you – come in a million shades of white-gray-black for me. The color of the words coming from my Grandmother [I hope she is resting in peace & tranquility] were like night and day different to those words from my daughter.

I learned very young in an abusive dysfunctional home to trust the word colors. Certain color shades mean physical violence to me while others mean peaceful or exciting fun. The “general” word colors tell me that Most People are Good

  • BUT .. laugh at me .. meanly .. long enough .. and I WILL trust the colors to understand that I actually mean nothing good to ya.
  • My current goal is for me to understand those colors FASTER 🙂

The Luke Bryan music is at https://youtu.be/liqktLC7xR0

The Sugarland music is at https://youtu.be/0h1IBbs68yE

When I was a kid, I thought it was MY FAULT that “Love Don’t Live Here” in my life .. NOPE .. it was never me – it has always been THEM!!!

And I REFUSE to allow any of those people to change me into one of them!!!

I choose to be ME 🙂 .. a lovely shade of roses .. magenta .. lilacs .. ocean blues & greens .. sunrises .. sunsets .. dandelion grassy meadows .. and a plethora of love colors!!!

Laughing at me .. meanly .. just lost it’s ability to wound me!!! I now see it as your pain!!!

The Lady Antebellum music is at https://youtu.be/d_42IUpKPss

Barbara Burns

Senior Citizen / Artist working in watercolor, inks, digital pixels & fabric dyes with silk. I also have Vascular Dementia and am not able to work outside the home in the corporate world now. I started reading tarot cards as a very young child - a neighbor taught me when I was about 5 to 7 years of age. I started reading Oracle cards in my 30's.
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